The Morality of "Just Joking"
When I was a teenager, my mom gave me a sage bit of advice.
She told me that when someone makes a remark that upsets me and then after I get upset, the person says, "Oh, Come ON! I was just joking! Don't be so SENSITIVE" I should view those words very carefully along with the person who said them.
I have thought a lot about those words of advice over the years. Every time someone says the phrase, "I was just joking" the conversation pops into my mind. The reason is because I have learned that the people who use that phrase often carry similar character traits to one another.
First, the tone of "I was just joking" is usually resentful.
If it is not resentful, it is hearty, said with a wink to those who they believe will agree with the original statement (as though the person who is offended isn't in on the joke or didn't understand it because the person didn't find it humorous).
On that note, if others ARE around who laugh along with the original 'joke' they usually have similar characteristics to the person who made the 'joke'.
Some of the characterstics I have noted in common are: A lack of respect for others opinions, a similarity to teenagers in the 'teen gang' mentality of trying to 'one up' the people around them (what I usually call a 'lack of maturity'), an excess of pride and/or vanity and an unwillingness to apologize when they hurt someone.
"I was just joking" isn't an apology. It is an excuse. It is a way of rationalizing one's own behavior. It is not a statement of innocence.
Job 21:3
Bear with me while I speak, and after I have spoken, mock on.
Proverbs 21:24
The proud and arrogant man-"Mocker" is his name; he behaves with overweening pride.
Proverbs 22:10
Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended.
Proverbs 29:8
Mockers stir up a city, but wise men turn away anger.
Galatians 6:7
Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.
I have learned as an adult that there are two ways I can handle these 'jokers'. One way is to avoid them. I do that if it is possible. In some cases, it is not possible.
When it is not possible to avoid them, I simply employ what I have learned: That those persons who employ this sort of behavior are immature and have self esteem issues. The only way they can feel good about themselves is to demean someone else. In those cases, I look at them in all seriousness when the demeaning initial statement is made and ask, "Did that make you feel better?" Then when they respond with their false innocence, I smile and say, "I am glad that I was able to help you. God bless you." I cannot see into a person's heart, but I can recognize their actions and I do not have to tolerate being demeaned. I have the armor of God and it shall protect me.
May God's peace and strength be with you and bless you.
She told me that when someone makes a remark that upsets me and then after I get upset, the person says, "Oh, Come ON! I was just joking! Don't be so SENSITIVE" I should view those words very carefully along with the person who said them.
I have thought a lot about those words of advice over the years. Every time someone says the phrase, "I was just joking" the conversation pops into my mind. The reason is because I have learned that the people who use that phrase often carry similar character traits to one another.
First, the tone of "I was just joking" is usually resentful.
If it is not resentful, it is hearty, said with a wink to those who they believe will agree with the original statement (as though the person who is offended isn't in on the joke or didn't understand it because the person didn't find it humorous).
On that note, if others ARE around who laugh along with the original 'joke' they usually have similar characteristics to the person who made the 'joke'.
Some of the characterstics I have noted in common are: A lack of respect for others opinions, a similarity to teenagers in the 'teen gang' mentality of trying to 'one up' the people around them (what I usually call a 'lack of maturity'), an excess of pride and/or vanity and an unwillingness to apologize when they hurt someone.
"I was just joking" isn't an apology. It is an excuse. It is a way of rationalizing one's own behavior. It is not a statement of innocence.
Job 21:3
Bear with me while I speak, and after I have spoken, mock on.
Proverbs 21:24
The proud and arrogant man-"Mocker" is his name; he behaves with overweening pride.
Proverbs 22:10
Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended.
Proverbs 29:8
Mockers stir up a city, but wise men turn away anger.
Galatians 6:7
Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.
I have learned as an adult that there are two ways I can handle these 'jokers'. One way is to avoid them. I do that if it is possible. In some cases, it is not possible.
When it is not possible to avoid them, I simply employ what I have learned: That those persons who employ this sort of behavior are immature and have self esteem issues. The only way they can feel good about themselves is to demean someone else. In those cases, I look at them in all seriousness when the demeaning initial statement is made and ask, "Did that make you feel better?" Then when they respond with their false innocence, I smile and say, "I am glad that I was able to help you. God bless you." I cannot see into a person's heart, but I can recognize their actions and I do not have to tolerate being demeaned. I have the armor of God and it shall protect me.
May God's peace and strength be with you and bless you.
posted by Dancer | 9:24 AM
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