Hope

I am a bad Christian.

I look at the book of Job and I think "Wow, I am nothing like him."

I say this because I have finally reached a point where I simply want to know where God is.

I am hurting and scared right now. My husband has lost his job. We don't have insurance to cover our son's insulin needs.

I am reading the Psalms to try to be comforted and they ARE a comfort...at times.

My son has enough insulin to last for a month...maybe.

How are we going to pay our bills with no job? We are trying to do everything you want God and I feel like my prayers are just smacking against an invisible ceiling. There are moments of calm and moments of fear and it seems like when I calm down and feel your presence, there is hope, but hope only goes so far when my hope keeps getting shattered.

We can't even seem to get past our fear to talk to one another anymore. He is stressed out because he is trying to find a job, but he feels so lost and alone as well. He is doubting himself, his abilities, his vocation...everything. We KNOW you are there, but we are wondering why our prayers haven't been answered yet.

My husband is qualified for so many jobs. At the interviews they tell him, "You are a great fit." No one calls to offer him a job though.

Every other time, he has been offered two or three jobs. This time, he has gotten NO job offers. All we want is one that will give us insurance for our son's doctor visits and insulin costs and pay our bills.

I know God is listening. I know there is a reason for this. I just feel like my prayers are not being heard...much less answered. God WILL answer our prayers, I just want it answered in my time. I need to trust in God's perfect timing and his perfect will. He has better things in store for us. I know he is there and he loves us and is watching over us. I know he loves our son and will take care of our entire family. I just need to remember to wait upon God's perfect timing and his perfect will. Patience, hope, faith and trust in Him.

Amen