Misunderstanding

Psalm 49:3
My mouth will speak words of wisdom; the utterance from my heart will give understanding.

I sometimes feel so alone and lost.

I become angry.

The people I love, they don't understand what I am going through. I can't explain it to them so that they do understand. When I try to explain it, I make it worse. Then, my frustration leads me to yelling, because if I can't make it clearer, at least I can say it louder.

Not very smart.

I used to just give up. Either they would eventually 'get it' or I would eventually 'get over it'. It lead to a lot of misunderstandings.

Recently, a similar situation occurred in my family. I have been getting sick and trying to avoid saying my concerns out loud. I was really sort of denying it to myself as well. Instead of confronting my fears, I was avoiding them.

It led to a lot of misunderstanding again.

My husband was misunderstanding why I was constantly sick. He was tired of me being sick all the time and was so caught up in big things happening to him, that he didn't see what was happening to me wasn't that I wasn't going to the doctor, it was the doctor giving me medicine that wasn't fixing the problem...it was simply covering one of the symptoms. So I was exhausted and he couldn't see why I wasn't being myself.

My kids were tired of me being sick. They are used to a Mom that is on the go and doing fun stuff with them.

My entire family was getting sick of me.

I am pretty sick of myself.

So, I needed to confront the problem. But, I didn't realize that this problem has been stirring other things up for awhile. So I had to get to the heart of the matter...it has affected my prayer life, my behavior, my family relationships...it has touched every part of me.

A few nights ago, I decided to try to explain some of it, and I kept explaining it over and over again, a little at a time, until we both understood what I was saying. Maybe that sounds crazy, but even though I knew what the problem was, I couldn't put it into the right words so that the people around me understood my heart. I finally was able to get it out correctly tonight, and once I explained it correctly, I felt slightly better.

Once my husband understood, then it was time for my children to understand. I am not certain they understand completely, but at least they understand better than they did. They know I am not simply abandoning them, I am just doing my best to do what I can for them, for all of them.

Matthew 13:15
For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.'

Healing of the spirit comes with understanding. God's word applies to ALL of our relationships, our relationship with Him and our relationships with one another. When we close our hearts and minds to understanding one another, we cannot reach one another, but when we listen, with softened hearts to one another, we heal our relationships and our relationship grows and is more beautiful than ever. It is as beautiful as the Song of Solomon, like the romantic love you remember from the earliest days of your marriage.

Proverbs 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

My family couldn't understand because they didn't know something was wrong, or they knew something was wrong, but weren't aware of the real problem. The misunderstanding was partially my fault for not telling the people around me what was scaring me, mainly because I didn't want to face it myself. God gave us one another to lift one another up, he gave me a husband to share my concerns with, not for me to shoulder my burdens alone. By trying to carry the burden alone, or by trying to pretend the burden would simply disappear, I made the burden worse...and my empty fear became a burden itself. By explaining my concerns to my husband until he understood, I made my burden lighter and he was able to comfort me...and better yet, was no longer angry, but now he understood why I was behaving the way I was.

I know many women hide their burdens from their families, I want to stress to you that is a mistake. Your family is aware there is a problem, they are not completely selfish and foolish. It is better for you to share your burden with them. Not even Jesus himself carried his cross alone.

Luke 23:26
As they led him away, they seized Simon from Cyrene, who was on his way in from the country, and put the cross on him and made him carry it behind Jesus.

Simon ultimately became one of the first converts to Christianity.

Pray for God to help you with your burden, but share your burden as well. That is what the body of Christ is here for, so that you know you are not alone.

God bless