Meditations on "Dark Night of the Soul"
It has been recommended that I/We (hubby and myself) read St. John of the Cross' Dark Night of the Soul. Before I begin, I want to put a few thoughts down that I have learned through my own experiences of the difficulties we have faced during this...journey. After I read Chapter One tonight, I am going to sleep on it and write tomorrow. I wanted to put a few thoughts down before I begin though...
First of all, I have a new appreciation for Jesus saying, "My God, My God, why have your forsaken me?"
It brings the thoughts of the Footprints poem to my mind.
One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand:
one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life
there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, You said that once I decided to follow you,
You'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."
The Lord replied,
"My son, My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I Carried You."
At the times I believe I am most forsaken, the Lord is so close to me, he is holding me up, but I cannot see him for my pain. I cannot feel his presence in the loneliness and emptiness I face. Yet, I know he is there. In the absence of 'feeling' God, sometimes it takes a conscious will to KNOW He is present, to trust Him that much.
It reminds me a little of when I spoke of miracles...by that I mean that during God's greatest miracle, the salvation of us from our sins, when God was MOST present, Jesus felt forsaken. I KNOW that I am explaining this poorly, but if I could explain it, rather than sense it, it seems like it wouldn't need to be explained.
When we take our eyes and hearts attention from the miracle and focus instead on the chaos around the miracle, then all we see is the tomb...but when we look directly at the miracle...the EMPTY tomb, instead of seeing an absence, we see a presence. The presence of the miracle...the presence of the angel...the presence of Christ himself. Like the disciples being fearful instead of joyful because they were seeing Jesus dying instead of Jesus dying for us. They were seeing conviction rather than redemption because they were looking at what was going on around the miracle instead of looking, really looking, to Christ.
When we look at the cross, we can see Christ's torment, or we can see his love for us...and our salvation because of that love. In that moment of Christ calling out, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" I am right there with Christ. I deserve to be forsaken, but it was MY sin that he took, and I am present with him when he is suffering for me. But, if I am looking at his torment, I cannot miss his enduring love. His willingness to experience that pain the utter absence...for me.
How dark was Christ's night when he endured my pain, your pain, all of our pain? How deep was the loneliness? How empty? But how close was he there at that moment? The moment of deepest, darkest, emptiness was also the moment of greatest, most enduring love. The moment he felt most alone, the moment he chose to experience that feeling of being absolutely forsaken, was the same moment that he became the personification of perfect love for all of us. Because in willingly taking that on, he was both the personification of perfect love and taking on all the unloving things that he never did nor would do. In the moment of our greatest sorrow, was the same moment of our greatest rejoicing. That was the moment he had every one of us with him...it was in that moment we became the body of Christ.
"Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani."
First of all, I have a new appreciation for Jesus saying, "My God, My God, why have your forsaken me?"
It brings the thoughts of the Footprints poem to my mind.
He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand:
one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life
there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, You said that once I decided to follow you,
You'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."
The Lord replied,
"My son, My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I Carried You."
At the times I believe I am most forsaken, the Lord is so close to me, he is holding me up, but I cannot see him for my pain. I cannot feel his presence in the loneliness and emptiness I face. Yet, I know he is there. In the absence of 'feeling' God, sometimes it takes a conscious will to KNOW He is present, to trust Him that much.
It reminds me a little of when I spoke of miracles...by that I mean that during God's greatest miracle, the salvation of us from our sins, when God was MOST present, Jesus felt forsaken. I KNOW that I am explaining this poorly, but if I could explain it, rather than sense it, it seems like it wouldn't need to be explained.
When we take our eyes and hearts attention from the miracle and focus instead on the chaos around the miracle, then all we see is the tomb...but when we look directly at the miracle...the EMPTY tomb, instead of seeing an absence, we see a presence. The presence of the miracle...the presence of the angel...the presence of Christ himself. Like the disciples being fearful instead of joyful because they were seeing Jesus dying instead of Jesus dying for us. They were seeing conviction rather than redemption because they were looking at what was going on around the miracle instead of looking, really looking, to Christ.
When we look at the cross, we can see Christ's torment, or we can see his love for us...and our salvation because of that love. In that moment of Christ calling out, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" I am right there with Christ. I deserve to be forsaken, but it was MY sin that he took, and I am present with him when he is suffering for me. But, if I am looking at his torment, I cannot miss his enduring love. His willingness to experience that pain the utter absence...for me.
How dark was Christ's night when he endured my pain, your pain, all of our pain? How deep was the loneliness? How empty? But how close was he there at that moment? The moment of deepest, darkest, emptiness was also the moment of greatest, most enduring love. The moment he felt most alone, the moment he chose to experience that feeling of being absolutely forsaken, was the same moment that he became the personification of perfect love for all of us. Because in willingly taking that on, he was both the personification of perfect love and taking on all the unloving things that he never did nor would do. In the moment of our greatest sorrow, was the same moment of our greatest rejoicing. That was the moment he had every one of us with him...it was in that moment we became the body of Christ.
1 Corinthians 12:27
Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.
"Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani."
posted by Dancer | 12:59 AM
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